Chapter 18: Lethal (but profitable) Matrimony


Despite having spent a significant portion of Grumps’ riches on an extravagant wedding party, Mindy married her new beau in the bathroom (why would she want to be seen publicly with that oaf?). With the gentle exchange of gold rings, the two became one – and Grumps’ bank account became Mindy’s as well.




The morning after the wedding, Mindy gave birth to Norbert. Grumps was ecstatic. Norbert inherited Mindy’s abhorrent selfishness and Grumps’ tomato complexion. Meanwhile, her eldest child Jack grew into a healthy but resentful adult. Luckily for Mindy, Jack was too focused on his new girlfriend, Krystal, to give her any strife.




Mindy was disappointed her new baby was so vulgar. She held Norbert up in disdain. ‘Mama’s gonna kill you, fugly bitch, Mama’s gonna kill you’, she sang sweetly to him. Norbert gurgled happily in return. However, Mindy did not realise that Grumps, her new husband, had entered the room . . .



He snatched his son out of Mindy’s arms. “What do you mean you’re going to kill him?” Grumps demanded. “wait … y-you did kill the other children, didn’t you? I TRUSTED YOU!” he screamed at her.

Officer Grumps may have been obscenely obese and hideous to look at, but he was not a stupid man. With the power of the police force behind him, he knew that ruthless Mindy would stop at nothing to silence him. So, he did what any decent, God-fearing man would do in that situation (or so he told himself) – he ran.

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